Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Losing Something

Have you ever felt like you were losing your mind? this is not the standard but instead a deep concentration centralized around my own inability to understand the panic that seems to be growing more terrifying as the days progress.  At first I just felt as though I was overly stressed.  That seems appropriate; it makes sense.  

I began to feel increasingly agitated and angry when I realize I can not remember events as they’ve happened.  I instead only retain a memory that is misplaced, and wrong.  I often catch myself with my hands in my hair thinking, about what I don’t know.  

I just know that I have to find something.  Something that I know I will never get.  Most bizarre of all I’m not even sure what it is that I am hoping to acquire.  It doesn’t make sense but I can’t figure it out.  

Why does this something weigh so heavily on my thoughts?  I have to break free of this vessel that I am bound.  I need myself to leave me.  However that is possible.  Again, I find myself holding my head in deep concentration.  You should speak to me when I’m like this.  I feel like something would happen, I’m not sure what.  

I know that I can’t think anymore about anything but whatever this is.  It’s going to be okay because we always figure it out.  I just need to stop fighting and listen.  I always seem to figure it out; that makes sense.  I 

was awake the other day and realized it was not right.  I was searching and knew not what for.  I was yelling at two days.  I know that doesn’t make sense but it does.  

It has to because I don’t know.  

I’m walking in the grass but it’s sand and it makes me feel like two decks of cards with only the cards in the yellow pieces.  Tonight Is tomorrow and yesterday never happened. I know that I will walk for six blocks and be okay.  

My night is upset because of the stars, they don’t care anyway.   I have to urge myself to continue before I forget that I didn’t.  

I can’t remember something but I know that we will remember when I remember that I can’t play.  

Hope that you enjoyed this...a stray from the norm however felt more like free writing and just putting up whatever came out.  Thanks.


Fred said...

Randy, free writing is a wonderful outlet and often surprises everyone with what comes out, most importantly the author, at least that's what happens for me. Good write, and yes I feel like I'm losing my mind on an hourly basis:) In fact, sometimes it's free writing that helps me through it:

Dickie Gonzo said...

Randy, miss u bro. The concept is really taking shape. i like what you've done with the fonts, kinda makes it a trippy experience. hit me up, i need help with a site i'm trying to make to teach guitar lessons online via webchat

Randy Sturridge said...

Thanks for the comment Fred. glad this didnt come out to horribly...

Dickie Gonzo good sir absolutely would love to help on any project you would like to embark on. Sounds like a sick idea. I'm comin over tomorrow so we can lay out the idea and see what we gotta do.

Thanks guys for takin the time to look this over.

Do check these two guys out.